


The Cost of War

by jaytodds



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Everyone is Dead, Gen, M/M, Other, actually i lied, anakin isnt allowed to have a good time here, everyone dies, except anakin, for some reason this stupid pair wont let me write happy things, i love to hurt myself
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-26 10:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6234241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaytodds/pseuds/jaytodds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Anakin loses everyone he loves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Run and Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They’re going to run. They’re going to travel the galaxy. They’re going to live.

“You don’t have to worry,” Anakin says, shushing Obi-Wan as he tries to speak. The Padawan cradles his Master in his arms, slightly shaking him, although he isn’t sure if it’s his own stifled terror at losing the man, or an attempt at keeping his Master awake. “I’m here. I’m here.” 

The older man’s beard is stained with blood and his hands clutch tightly at the scorched fabric of his robes around the wound in his stomach as if it will anchor him to this life. As he coughs, more blood dribbles from his lips and his watery, blue eyes flash at the pain. 

Anakin watches the life fading from the only man to ever have trusted him completely, and hates every midichlorian in him for being unable to sense Dooku’s attack, to stop it. “Please hold on, Obi-Wan. There are medics on the way.” He scans the desert horizon again for the gunship he’d called, but there was still no sign of it. “You are going to be fine,” he asserts, reassuring himself just as much as the man in his arms. 

“Anakin, I-”

“Don’t, Master.”

“You are my brother.” Obi-Wan chokes on his own blood. He struggles to get air into his lungs, his ragged, gurgling gasps killing the young Jedi just quickly as the elder.

“And you are mine. So don’t you leave me, Master. “ He is begging.

“Anakin… I love you.”

“I know, I know. I love you, too. We’ll run away when we get back. We’ll leave the Order and go somewhere far away. We can forget the war, forget the Jedi, forget-” 

Obi-Wan’s eyes flicker and close. There is a hint of a smile on his lips and his quiet laugh becomes a sigh.

“Stay awake, Master. Keep your eyes open. Don’t- don’t leave me alone. I can’t be alone again. I can’t- Please don’t- Don’t do this to me, Master. We can run away.”

He knows that Obi-Wan is gone; he felt the flicker of life fade away, replaced by an agonizing emptiness deep within him. He knows, but he won’t accept it. They’re going to run. They’re going to travel the galaxy. They’re going to live.

  
Rex is the first on the scene. He has to hold Anakin’s shaking form as his men carry the general’s body to the ship. He watches Anakin murmur deliriously into his teacher’s deaf ear, clutching his body in the way only a man grieving for his lost love can - a white-knuckled grip, back hunched, neck craned to touch their foreheads. He doesn’t comprehend this kind of pain. He hopes he never will. 


	2. Words Like Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin closes his eyes when he swings.

Anakin walks across the battlefield. His black robes are stained with blood, heavy with it, if only in the metaphorical sense. He is empty, devoid of emotion as he scans the blank faces, searching...  

A R2 unit makes him falter; the droid is charred and motionless. He grits his teeth and turns away.  

He’s looking for survivors, for one in particular. Deep down, there is a part of him hoping he’ll never see that face again, hoping that it won’t be here among the dead, that it is far away across the galaxy, full of life…

He stops when he sees movement. Crimson skin, flashes of blue and white. A familiar groan. Ahsoka.

His Padawan.

His friend.

His failure.

She looks up when his shadow falls across her face. Her expression turns from that of pain to hope. She reaches out to him. She must not know.

“Master-” Her plea is cut off by an agonized cry when he kicks her hand away. Her face falls and it almost hurts him when she shrinks back. Her expression says defiance, but her eyes show only horror and sorrow.

She sucks in a breath when his saber ignites inches from her face. She glares up at him, but can’t stop the tears from rolling down her bloodied cheeks.

 

Anakin closes his eyes when he swings.

 

His steps are heavy now. His feet drag in the sand (god, he hates sand) as he continues to search through the seemingly endless number of bodies. Ahsoka’s eyes bore into his back, unseeing, but fiery all the same. The nape of his neck prickles with discomfort. But he walks on.

 

It’s been hours. He hasn’t found the corpse he was so desperately hoping he wouldn’t. His body aches from the heat. His chest aches where Ahsoka’s knowing smile lives. His eyes slip closed and he pauses, trying to force the anguish from his limbs, to silence the echo of his Padawan’s laughter where it’s singing in his ears. He curses the sand.

 

He’s ready to give up, but his Master has ordered him to destroy the weights holding him back from this newfound power. He hadn’t thought that his greatest foe would resist the call to this battlefield. Apparently he had. Anakin turns back and falls to his knees beside his Padawan.

“Why did you come back?” he snarls, gathering her tiny form into his arms. She’s so small. How could he have not realized she was _so small_. “Your defiance has cost you your life. You can’t have believed the Jedi would win. Why did you return now?” He shakes her limp frame as if to wake her, force sense into her. “You left me. _You left me_. Why did you choose to come back now? Did you hope to save me? Because I am so powerful now. I can save everyone. I can protect you. I can- I-” His voice falters. He brings her closer, cradles her, rests her head in the crook of his neck. (It’s just like when she would fall asleep after especially grueling missions and he would carry her through the ship to her quarters, feel her short breaths against his neck, listen to her quiet snores.) She’s still and silent now. “We could have been so great, you and I. We could have ruled the entire galaxy. I am so powerful now.” He rocks, pressing his forehead to hers, gripping her thin frame like something is trying to pry her from his arms. “I’m so sorry. I just wanted to save her. To save you. I'm so sorry.” Anakin takes a deep, shuddering breath. His jaw is clenched painfully tight and his lips are pressed into a thin line to hold back the words that would make this real. They slip through his gritted teeth tasting like blood.

  
“Please forgive me, Snips.”


	3. All the Nevers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’s a plague and he can’t risk it.

“I saw the  _ future _ !” Anakin is shouting. He doesn’t mean to, but they can’t hear him - won’t hear him - unless he does. “I saw  _ everything _ .” The visions are burned into his mind like a brand. There’s so much pain, so much death. He knows who starts it all, too. 

Himself.

 

“This is the only way.” They’ll try to stop him, but he’s so strong now. He’s seen where he ends up. He’s seen who he hurts, who he destroys. It’s not worth the power, not worth his life. He won’t let it happen and this is the only way he knows how to stop himself.

“They’ll rip you apart, Anakin,” Obi-Wan pleads. He’s trying to make the younger man see sense - this is pointless madness. “This planet wasn’t made for four of you.”

The Father, the Daughter, and the Son swirl around them. Flashes of light burst through the roiling darkness, illuminating the range of emotions on their faces. Fear, worry, sadness, confusion. 

“You can’t stay here, Master. I need you.” Ahsoka is devastated when this doesn’t sway him. She tries again. “Padmé needs you.” 

He blinks, but it’s still not enough.

“I can’t. Go back.” He spits his words through gritted teeth. They don’t understand. He will kill them both. He will kill everyone he loves. He’s a plague and he can’t risk it.

 

He watches the ship leave. He smiles faintly. And then he walks.

His lightsaber is heavy in his hand. It’s weighed down with the knowledge that if he goes through with this, he will never see them again. He’ll never meet his children. He’ll never see Ahsoka graduate to Knighthood. He’ll never see Obi-Wan’s face when his first Padawan finally becomes a member of the Jedi Council alongside him. 

But these nevers are far outweighed by the ones he’s preventing. He’ll never kill Padmé. He’ll never kill Obi-Wan. He’ll never hurt Ahsoka, leave her stranded with no one to trust, nowhere to turn. He won’t destroy an entire planet full of life. He won’t desecrate his loved ones’ memories of him with bloodshed. 

He looks out over the edge of the cliff, eyes wandering to the rolling valleys and crescent rivers. Life there is a risk. Death here is an assurance.

  
He ignites his saber and murmurs an apology to the ones he’s leaving behind. 


End file.
